You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize