You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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