Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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