I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
