a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
