i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
