I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize