people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
