Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
