I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
