Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
