I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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