You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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