I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
