I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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