it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize