I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
