Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
