dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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