So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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