do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She announced her abortion via fbk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
