i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
