Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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