Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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