mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The air was thick with penises
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
