Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
