i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
