If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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