why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
