I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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