I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
