it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize