Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
