Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
