I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
