Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
