OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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