i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
