I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boobs speak an international language.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize