More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
