my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
