she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
