her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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