david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize