saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize