I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
