Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I believe in your delicious
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
