ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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