it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
