he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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