I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
