i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
