i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
