She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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