There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I party with great urgency now.
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