Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
