some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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