The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
