I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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