question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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