what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i will never coherently bang her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
