I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She told me I should be a condom model.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
