dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
