Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
