Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
