i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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