so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
