no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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