Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
being pregnant is like rehab
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
