Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
