we have pet lesbian snakes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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