idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
