so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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