Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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