the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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