Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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