Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
