Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
