We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
