Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
