but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
