VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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