My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
