Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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