I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
