Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
