He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize