Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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