I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this boner is exhausting
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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