I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
