this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
