Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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