You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
