Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
