you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
